he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
