so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
