My liver just broke up with me...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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