I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
