Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
