I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
