these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
