I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
