Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
