i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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