He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
