Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
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Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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