I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
