I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
