when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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