There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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