Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
