Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel great
I just peed on a car
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
