I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
