so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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