am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
