the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
