she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
