Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
