I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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