it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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