I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
