Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
