I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
