I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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