just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
