____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize