i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's official drugs can't kill me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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