i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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