i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
my liver is dry heaving
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
