I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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