i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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