Already got asked if we're dating
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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