Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
