P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
