Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
