Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
