:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
