I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
