Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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