so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't turn off my feet"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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