i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
