there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
