dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
