i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
