I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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