Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
