dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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