This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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