no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
