She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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