dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
