mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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