True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
