when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize