there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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