operation harelip BJ is a go
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
