Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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