I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
