He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
