For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
