took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
