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• (313): View more from Michigan

  i jhust puked up my retainher.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...

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  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.

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  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style

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