There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.