who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules