we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.