i jhust puked up my retainher.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style