I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
