I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
